Today we talk about how pressing “Pause” wakes up your Inner Critic, a dormant tiger that wakes up when we try to do things differently.
Nature needs to press pause, take a break to restore in order to replenish its own power.
Think about for a second if you would live in a world where it’s constant summer or you are constantly in your ovulation period – how would you feel? I would feel drained and constantly burn out.
Resting, Restoring, Being still – which in our cyclical way of living is connected to the phase of Dissolution & Pause (see graphics below) – is essential to our wellbeing as individuals and as collective (Planet). In the end, our Society is only the projection of our inner world and set of beliefs.
As women we experience monthly the need to press pause and restore, especially when we are in the second half of our cycle, luteal phase (pre menstruation phase) & menstruation phase. They represent the inner autumn and winter, a time where we naturally feel the need to shift the focus inward, we are more reflective, the body tenses up and we are more tired. After riding the wave of the ovulation – when we felt expansive, full of energy and ready to rock the boat – now it’s time, once again, to retreat and come back to ourselves.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
If we stay connected to our cycle – and if you are not menstruating at this moment I invite you to follow the 4 phases of the lunar cycle – we can learn that these phases are essential for our health and wellbeing – and it’s controproductive to skip them. It works in the exact same way in our professional and personal life: after a project we need to stay still, evaluate, reflect and ask for feedback; after a relationship we have time to reflect and evaluate what we have learned through the relationship.
But what happens then, when we decide to stop and honour the phases of reflection, dissolutions and the pauses? Sometimes we freak out, being completely terrified to stay still or feeling guilty if we give ourselves time to rest, nourish and restore. We think that someone has to do it, that we can’t lose the grip for one second – otherwise everything will fall apart.
When pressing “Pause” wakes up your Inner Critic: those moments are deeply precious, because when the feeling of fear, guilt or unworthiness emerge, you are encountering an important part of yourself: your inner critic.
The inner critic is an inner voice, that a woman knows very well since being a little girl. It’s the way that self-doubt, unworthiness and not being enough speak through your thinking action and words.
We are so used to living with this voice, most of us don’t even imagine it could be otherwise. It becomes the background noise we live with. Tara Mohr
It’s the voice that tells you that you can’t rest your body and practice something soothing and nourishing (or simply anything) because you have to burn a specific amount of calories and thrive for body perfectionism.
It’s the voice that tells you that you can’t rest because first you should finish your paper, a project at work, or taking care of your home.
It’s the voice that tells you that you can’t speak up, ask for help – because you are collapsing – because someone has to do it and sacrifice for it.
It’s a harsh, judging, rude and mean voice; it’s the voice of body-perfectionism, not being enough or not being worthy. Sometimes it can be really sophisticated and sneaks in our rational thinking, but we can learn how to detect it and shift it.
That voice is deeply connected to the heritage of a patriarchal society, that we still carry in our bones. Click here to read the Blog Post about Patriarchy as a form of collective trauma.
The Inner Critic Detectors & how to shift gear
How can we detect our inner critic when it whispers or when it’s embodied in our system?
With an incredible and powerful tool: the language we use and how we speak to ourselves. Language is extremely empowering and it can completely shift your own experience in your own mind, body and your energy level.
To detect the voice of the Inner Critic I normally use three parameters:
- The harshness of the language that I use when I speak to myself.
- Any form of “have to/should” in the sentences. Normally they come from the pressure of society, culture, company, partener, friends and family.
- How the language resonates in my body: when I speak to myself in a very harsh way, my body tenses up and contracts immediately. The body echoes and if listened to carefully, it can convey very important messages.
As I said before, these 3 parameters can be very well hidden in our “normal” way of thinking or behaving; we don’t see them as forms of our inner critic speaking through us, but we think it’s just the way we are. They are systematic or embedded in our society.
But the good news is: we can learn how to detect it and shift it, moving towards a personal inner revolution. How?
Use the same tool to call your Inner Mentor: language.
By shifting and elevating the way we think and speak, we are calling another part of ourselves, often denied – our inner mentor, the voice of our inner Wisdom. We are calling back our Intuitions, our Insight and aligning more and more to a part of ourselves that deeply respects and values us, as the most sacred and whole thing in the world.
You Inner Mentors speak to you in a loving, empathic and growth-oriented way. Imagine how the world would be different if the girls would learn early on how to detect the inner Critic and move their attention to the loving arms of the Inner Mentor. Our Planet would be a completely different place.
When your Inner Mentor speaks, your body expands, relaxes and feels safe. There is space to move, grow, process and integrate. On the contrary when the Inner Critic speaks, the body experience a deep contraction, energy blocks and stagnates.
How to integrate this work daily
Next time you feel the need to rest, restore or for any reason to press pause and stop– to honour and nourish the dissolution and pause phase inside our cyclical way of Living – I invite you:
- to listen to that call
- observe if your inner critic shows up and write down what she is saying and how you feel in your body
- rephrase the sentences using loving, warming and an elevated language, repeat it out-loud and observe how you feel in the body.
If you are curious and you would love to go a bit deeper in this work, I am here for you – feel fee to contact me via email and book a 15′ free consultation in how to integrate this work. Click the button below and send me an email!
As you can see we have a lot of tools to use daily to reclaim our cyclical way of living as women, our Feminine Power, and our Truth.
with grace and gratitude